open to cover and first page
third page - left side was about the day we met, right side is the memories we had our first month
this letter is typed below.
Pretty much, for the "theme," I put pictures and poems, for the most part, on the left sides. In the right side, I typed out memories and stuff.
-lots of pics. slow computers beware.
To my dear love, Aaron;
The moment when I saw you standing there in front of [restaurant], little did I know, my life was going to change forever. I did not anticipate, nor did I expect, for all the events and all the emotions that happened after that night.
Before you, I was closed off and aloof, sealing myself from the sharp pain of love and intimacy that my ex had left in my heart when he dumped me. I cared for him so much and I would give my life for him, and I did everything I could to make him happy, and I yearned for him to love and care for me back, but he grew distant when I was in Plano. I was scared, lonely, and upset when we finally broke apart. I felt naïve and vulnerable, as if my open heart and my love for him were ripped out, raw, and pierced and stabbed until it bled through. I told myself, no more, I won’t be vulnerable again. From then on, sure, I dated, but I did not feel anything for them. I didn’t want them, I didn’t want love, and I surely didn’t want a serious relationship. I closed myself off, not caring, not loving, and not wanting. Maybe deep inside I did yearn to love again, to be held close, and to be wanted, but outside I showed a tough, emotionless front.
And then you came along. In the beginning, I did not treat you much more differently then the other guys I’ve dated after my ex. It was fun for the time being, but I didn’t want to get serious. However, the more I spent with you, the more I realized how much I enjoyed being with you, and how much fun I had when you were around. You made me feel happy, comfortable, and relaxed, and you made me feel good about myself. I didn’t want to admit the feelings I was developing for you, because I was scared. I was scared that I was falling in love again, the very thing I was trying to run away from. And so I pretended I felt nothing, as if nothing happened, and I tried hard not to let my feelings show. But soon, my emotions and love were too strong, and it spilled out from the locked box I was trying to hold it in.
When I finally got the nerve to profess my true feelings, I am sure you had already known what I had felt, before I realized it myself. After that, I wondered what would happen because you were going to leave Austin. After all, one of the main reasons my ex grew distant was due to the fact we were in a temporary long distance relationship. After you left, I thought that everything will go back to the way it was, and that we will forget each other and live on with our lives. However, as the days went by, I found myself thinking more and more about you, the fun times we had together, and how I felt when you were around.
The more I thought about you, the more I knew how deep I had fallen for you. You were everything I wanted in a guy, and everything I needed. Even though you were 10 hours away, my feelings for you didn’t waver, it simply grew stronger. That’s when I’ve decided, even with my past, I was willing to try again with you, no matter how difficult it may be. I loved you, and nothing was going stop my love for you, not even distance and time.
And now, I am happy. This happiness, love, and emotions I have came to embrace, when only mere months ago, it was the very thing I tried to shut away from me. I came to realize how good it felt to be loved and to be wanted, knowing that someone else really cares for me and loves me. Finally, I feel safe and happy, tucked in your embrace of tenderness, and listening to you when you tell me that you love me. Because I love you.
Always and forever yours,
All the poems in the scrapbook were from me. If you want to read them, they're at http://free.angeltowns.com/raven18/poetry.html
xposted in love communities I'm in